Stay with me
by alexdemyx
Summary: The rain sucks Alfred into the painful past memories he trys to push down daily. When Arthur shows up on his doorstep things only spin more out of control as the memories continue to haunt him.  Sad song fic.
1. Stay with me

**Bold- Lines in song**

_Indent- Past/thoughts_

_**Bold Ident- Both**_

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><p><em><em>He sat alone looking outside at the gray clouds crying their hearts out. _The __**Rain drops fall from everywhere**_, a gross understatement to say the least in the American's case. No, as he stared out through the window it all came crashing down, that day from so long ago. The rain haunted him with it's conjuring of the past.

Just then his in his minds eye the man he wanted so badly to reach for was there. England. He moved his hand out reaching and just before he would have grasped the Brits sleeve it passed through. "I'm crazy…" He laughed sadly. "**I reach out for you but your not there**, haha you never where there Arthur." He choked out. "I only made it worse…"

"_Sorry England but I'm gonna choose freedom. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not your little brother, either. As of now, I'm declaring my independence." _He watched as the so familiar scene unfolded before his minds eye.

"_I won't allow it!"_ His Arthur yelled, rushing to stab Alfred's musket making it fly out of his hands. _"You don't have enough strength to stand on your own."_ _He shouted, holding the musket up while men yelled for them to fire. _The present Alfred winced when his strong caretaker collapsed at his feet in tears crying,_ "I… can't do it. Dammit, why dammit…"_

As one both present and past whispered as one "_England__…_"

"_Why dammit…_"

"Why? You promised you'd come back, **so I stood waiting in the dark." **The scene shifted to show a little boy waiting all alone; it was so dame cold waiting exactly where he was now. Countless times glancing down the hill hoping with all his being to see the ruffled blonde mop of his caretaker. It had rained then too, yes every time the sky cried he did to.

"**With your picture in my head**, I'd wish on every friken star that you would come see me. You told me so many times _let's go home _but when you were gone it wasn't home." The story of claiming his independence really was just a **story of a broken heart**.

"_Engwand __**stay with me**__." He cried clutching the bigger nations hand like a lifeline. "__**Stay with me!**__"_

"**Don't let me go.**" The present Alfred whispered. The Brit even now was slipping further away he didn't want anything to do with his ex-colony. "**Cause…**"

"_**I can't be without you**_." No he loved the scone loving idiot even then, why the hell couldn't that stubborn old man see it. How could he have screwed up so badly that England seemed to want nothing to do with him, and it was all his fault.

"_**Stay with me.**__" _

"_America you'll be fine_." _Arthur sighed smiling down at the child clutching him. "I'll be back soon I promise, here." He bent down to give the child a proper hug. "__**Hold me close**__, and remember I never break a promise." He tickled the captured child in his arms evilly. _

"_Okay…I wove you Engwand, you promise you'll come back soon." _

"_Promise__** because…**__you're my little brother." _But like every other exchange that took place before the elder man's departure it was a lie. He never came back soon.

"**I built my whole world around you**. My economy, my views on everything, they all came form you. Back then when you left. my heart would break every time, **and** I'd wonder if I'd die without you." Alfred said to the British man trying to stop the aspiration from leaving on the ship instead his younger self tried again for him.

"_**I don't want to know what it's like without you**__. It's so scary on my own here __**so stay with me.**_" Young Alfred pleaded one last time.

"_You know I can't."_

"Alfred you git, we finished the ruddy meeting. So why pray tell were you not there!" The cause of all his problems yelled banging on his front door.

"Honestly it's in your own bloody house this time; you could at least have shown up." He scolded when the American opened the door to let him in.

"Sorry Iggy got distracted." He apologized switching his outer mode to his usual bubbly self hoping the Brit wouldn't notice. He did.

"What's wrong? Did you eat to many soggin hamburgers and get sick."

"No, and my hamburgers are awesome unlike your shitty scones." He snipped back halfheartedly.

"Really Alfred if you want to be left alone you can just say so, instead of insulting my culinary expertise."

"What expertise?" He said without thinking causing Arthur to storm off towards the door. "Wait _**stay with me.**__"_ He whispered pulling the blonde into an embrace.

"Fine you wanker, just get the bloody hell off me. I'll make tea." And with that thought and his release he headed for the kitchen and the designated cupboard that stored his tea for his visits; leaving America to watch his back and with his thoughts again.

_He's still doesn't like me touching him, he really dose hate me. He'd rather hang out with his imaginary friends than me, even when he doses he looks so broken. _Yet he still hurt him on purpose even more, he truly was a stubborn git as his Brit would say.

_**I'm trying and hoping for the day, when my touch is enough to take the pain away. **_Wouldn't that be a thought, and then he could finally tell Arthur how he felt.

"_I miss America, he was so bloody cute. Where did I go wrong ol chap?_" _England whined to the obviously exasperated bartender. America sighed another night of playing babysitter to the alcoholic who claimed to be the more responsible of the two. _

"_You know what I think it was I think I know, cause __**I searched for so long the answer is clear **__now." _It was clear at least for Alfred now, he loved the crazy alcoholic and he couldn't wait around for him to see it.

"_And what would that be Artie. I'll take him off your hands." He said the last part to the bartender who smiled back greatly, not wanting to see the man strip into a skimpy waiter outfit and burst into a stripper dance. He'd heard from his coworkers that this was a man to be wary off. _

"_Alfred, you won't leave me again right?" He wailed desperately attaching himself to the hamburger lover. "You were so cute and then this happened to you, I'm orribe." He screamed detaching himself to gesture at the taller nation. _

"_Come on Artie, let's go home?" _What home he'd destroyed that on that blasted rainy day.

_"Alllfred, we'll be okay right?" Arthur said in his ear as he opened the man's door, he'd honestly been ignoring the man in his drunken state only focusing on the walk to said mans house. But that sentence pulled him out of his own thoughts off were it all went wrong. _

_With that one question he reached a conclusion, "__**We'll be okay if we don't let it disappear. **__If we never forget, then that won't help. I mean even though it happened it made me the hero who's saving your ass right now right?" He asked not expecting an answer as he deposited the shorter man on his couch. _

_He smiled sadly at the passed out drunk. "__I'm no longer a child so I need to stop wallowing in the past__." _So why did he keep doing just that, visiting so many painful memories.

"_**Stay with me, stay with me**__ America. __**Don't let me go **__please__** cause I can't be without you**__." England groaned in his delirium. He was so sick; France had told him to keep switching out the wet towel they'd been using to lower his temperature. As soon as the Frenchie had left Arthur had switched from his ramblings of eradicating frogs, with some kind of tint bunny he'd then switched to a different lala land, one involving the memory of his precious child. _

"_Please come back and__** hold me close, because… I built my whole world around you **__and if I lose you all be all alone again.__** I don't want to know what it's like without you**__ again." He whimpered beginning to flail around. _

"_Artie calm down!" He yelled pressing his weight on the sickly country. At the sound of his voice he stopped moving and instead whimpered more. While the American stared on sick at himself, he'd truly destroyed this man. _

"_**So stay with me, stay with me.**__" Tears slid down his cheeks, while his arms moved, to clutch in his mind the child he'd lost, but in reality grasped the cheek of the grown up man his babe had become. _

"_I'm so sorry Artie…"_

"Alfred the tea's done; I found your stash of biscuits." The present day Arthur called from his kitchen. Gingerly the American complied sitting at his table receiving a teacup being pushed into his reach.

"So till me what the bloody hell is wrong." The Englishman asked skipping the bullshit.

"I don't know what to say… or even where to begin."

"Try…" He soothed.

_**I've**__**searched my heart over so many many times,**__ It' so hard to figure out this maze of a mess._ He sighed glancing down into his cup as if it would have the answers. Instead it just reminded him of his stupid tea party. They couldn't dance around anymore it had to come out.

This game had gone on long enough and he was tired of playing it so he began, "You're broken."

"W-what!"

"Remember the nights we'd look up at the constellations, you know we don't do that anymore. You told me to shut my eyes, and then lie down. It was so dull and black till you told me to open them up again. Then everything was so beautiful and great, I thought I'd been broken till I opened my eyes. Right now Artie were both in the dark, with are eyes closed, broken."

The Brit could only repeat his previous question and stare on shocked. "**No you and I, is like no stars to light the sky at night**." Alfred tried to clarify. "We've been broken ever since that dame revolution, but Iggy I had to." He continued tears beginning to form. "I had to…"

"Alfred I…"

"I couldn't keep waiting… every dame time you left I was left in that dark till you came home and turned on the lights. Then finally I snapped and I I left." Tears were now truly pouring down his face falling into the tea.

"I hurt you in a non-heroic way, and now you hate me." He sniffled. "**Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days** when I destroyed it being a moron**.**" He gestured at one of the many pictures from their long lives, he'd kept as treasures.

"Ever since then we've just been staying in are blasted dark rooms, hurting and Arthur I can't anymore please can we stop? I want to come out. Back then **you promised me we'd always be and never go away.** Yet we did Arthur, were not brothers and I can't love you anymore. I don't deserve to love you so I keep pushing you away."

"That's partly why I left; I love you Arthur **It's why I need you to stay.**" He finished finally looking up at England who had strangely been dead silent the whole time. Then again being, rambled and cried out while someone confessed their love to you, Alfred supposed could do that to a man.

"Artie please say something; say that we can move on. Or that I should just die in a hole anything." Slowly the Englishman got up from the table on autopilot to place his cup in the sink. "Artie **stay with me** please talk to me." Then like a zombie he headed to the hallway and the front door. "**Stay with me.** **Don't let me go**, again. Damit stop running away and open your eyes! He yelled chasseing after him.

"My eyes are open you twat!" The Brit screamed turning to show his own tears.

"I bloody get it, you fool. I don't deserve you, I'm a sick pervert for thinking even for a moment I ever did. I hate myself, I keep coming back **cause I can't be without you**.Even though I hurt you and you bloody broke my heart. I'm an idiot because I bloody love you anyway." He yelled rubbing away his tears all the while backing towards the door, escape.

"Then why are you running I need you to **hold me close** and tell me it' gonna be okay**.**" He stepped closer grabbing the others wrist and pulling him into an embrace.

"**Because… I built my whole world around you.** That little boy; and this is just so wrong. I can't!" Briton pushed America away, rushing out the door.

Just like that he was gone and their already shaky rock had crumpled, yet again he had crossed the line and could never take it back. Every time he messed up, why couldn't he keep it together? _**I don't want to know what it's like without you.**_He thought sadly already knowing he was losing again, potentially completely this time.

"_I'm an idiot because I bloody love you anyway." __**So stay with me, stay.**_ He begged pleading for the Englishman to turn back and finally come home like he'd promised so long ago. _**Stay with me, yeah don't leave me… Don't leave.**_

But of course as the door stood wide open and the rain fell, the one thing he wished for did not take place. No England was gone, and who knew if he'd come back.

_**So I stand waiting in the dark… **_

_**End**_

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><p>A.N.: Sad I know, but it's a sad song, I'm sorry if the characters at points seemed OCish but I truly wanted to use this song because it fits so perfectly for USXUK (at least from Alfie's point of view), so I needed them to use the lines. I've wanted to do this for awhile, I had a music video for this song in my head but seeing as I can't draw or have even have clips I tried my hand at this hear fanfic. Not exactly what I planed but, hey I kinda like it. So let me know if you do to in reviews.<p> 


	2. Need you now

**Bold- Lines in song**

_Indent- Past/thoughts_

_**Bold Ident- Both**_

* * *

><p><strong>Picture perfect memories<strong> that's what they all were and they were just **scattered all around the floor**. Day's spent with England, the man who just left him standing in the rain after he poured his heart out and yet he just couldn't help searching for times when their lives weren't so messed up any day. He found one picture it was a modern one of Christmas last year.

Japan had taken it when both he and England had almost walked under the mistletoe he'd proudly set up in hopes of getting a kiss and finally telling the man how he felt but of course it failed, he'd jumped the gun smiling like a mad man leading Arthur to think something was up, which something was both literally and figuratively.

That was the moment the camera caught England frowning inches from the x-spot looking at that single weed. While he stood realizing his plan was about to fail. They always seemed to. Nothing he did ever went right, they only caused pain to his Arthur.

Arthur. Again he looked into the center of the pictures **reaching for the phone** even though ever since the Englishman left he hadn't actually dialed, though he'd picked it up many a time, **cause** he just couldn't seem to muster the courage to try.

_**I can't fight it anymore… **_With that one thought he picked it up again stared at it **and **then promptly tossed it back into the sea of memories he'd scattered. _**I wonder if I ever crossed your mind **__Iggy, to just call me. __**For me it happens all the time**__ but I'm such a coward… __**It's a quarter after one**_ _and I still can't do it! _He closed his eyes fighting back tears, he felt like a child again. _**I'm all alone **__in this damn house again __**and I**__ just __**need you now**__._

Suddenly he reached out again grabbing onto that lifeline dialing the number he knew by heart. _**Said I wouldn't call but**_ _I'm doing it! _He smiled lightly praying as he lessoned to the phone dialing **but **knowing if the man didn't pick up he'd break. _**I've lost all control Artie **__please pick up and just talk to me. __**I need you now **__to say it's gonna be okay __**and I don't know how I can do without **__you __**I just**__ really__** need you now **__Artie so please, pick up__**. **_

It just rang and rang…

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><p>In a bar Arthur Kirkland the personification of England and the United Kingdome had just finished his third small glass of the fiery alcohol he was using to escape the thoughts plaguing him. It wasn't working.<p>

"**Another shot of whiskey**, sir." He called to the barkeep holding his glass high turning his body back to face the bar instead of the exit.

"Sure thing." He replied smiling lightly then glanced at the exit and back at the man after his refill had turned promptly back to staring at the door. "You know their probably not coming." The Brit just turned back questioningly.

"**You can't stop looking at the door**, figured your waiting for someone." This caught Arthur of guard and then with his fuzzy mind he laughed. He was waiting for someone. _I'm a bloody idiot __**wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before**__, being my bloody hero. You always found me lad, and took me home I don't know why I thought tonight would be the same. _

"Yeah I guess I am." He choked out. "But I'd be shocked if he did… I don't deserve him to." He held out his glass for another shot, the bartender complied.

"That right?" The bartender asked gently now reaching the conclusion his customer was having a bad day, likely why he was there.

"Yep my good chap, I just ran out on the man I love." He said swallowing the new cup in one gulp then holding it up for another. "So Tim, righ?" He continued once the man nodded confirmation. "If he shows or even speaks to me again it would be a miracle."

"Why'd you leave?"

"Because I don't deserve him… he always hurts me anyways with his silly games. Besides I'm too old for him."

"What's the age difference?"

"Over a thousand…" He said absently tipping his cup to look into it wondering where the drink had gone while the barkeep laughed awkwardly.

"I think you've had enough buddy." He said gently while Arthur scrunched up his face trying to remember through the haze Alfred's age, when humans were concerned.

"He's nineteen."

"That's not too bad…"

"I used to care for him as in I guess babysit him…" He mumbled still wondering where his refill was and trying to use words a human American would understand. Finally Tim refilled it.

"It's still not that bad, a light rob of the cradle but not that bad people sometimes are ten, eleven years apart sometimes."

"Well I can't shake that…" He sighed turning back to stare at the door with his glass. "**And** I can't help wondering if he truly feels the same after everything… he left first you know."

"Then why are you still staring at that door like he's going to come bursting in any minute? You must love him and I don't see why you're here instead of back there." Suddenly he burst out crying.

_Alfred __**I wonder if I ever cross your mind,**__ you know __**for me it happens all the time.**__ I always think of your idiotic grin and wait for you're stupid phone calls and ideas. Just seeing you. _

"**It's a quarter after one** though, he might be asleep but you could always try. It really sounds like you to just need to talk it out."

"I don't know Tim… **I'm a little drunk** **and** Oh bullocks I just can't he broke my heart with his damn revolution and…" He wailed louder. "Alfred **I need you now** damn it, I love you. You bloody wanker!" Suddenly 'God Save the Queen' began emanating from his pocket. In his drunken delirium he jumped of the stool and bowed. Then with a look up he realized his queen wasn't there so then what? He remembered he was in a bar and turned to Tim with a priceless puzzled look.

"Yeah that definitely was your last cup buddy… I think that's your phone…" With leaden fingers he tried to get his phone out of his pants pocket, it was much harder than he thought. Of course by the time he succeed he'd missed the call but he held it high in the air like a reward. When he lowered it he checked the caller I.D. it was Alfred.

_Bullocks…I __**said**__**I wouldn't call but **__he called me!_

"From your expression and silence I'm guessing it's that Alfred guy." He nodded slowly a grimace plastered on his pale face a little sobered up.

"**I've lost all control** of this ever since the seventeen-hundreds…" Tim gave him another odd look. "And I-i really should call sort this mess up shouldn't I?" The bartender just nodded.

_**I need you now**__, I'm wreaked… __**and**__ your right we need to get this over with some how. I __**don't know how I can do without**__ you. It seems I always need you to come save me…and __**I just need you now**__. I can't keep hiding everything. _He stood up quickly determined except he forgot he was on a stool and promptly feel to the floor.

"**Woah, woah** you ok?"

"You know Tim my good sir, you made me realize some things one I'm seriously drunk. Two I **guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all**…" The helpful soul just stared on confused as to what exactly that meant but before he could even decide on asking the Brit to clarify he was heading/tripping towards the door. Hopefully he didn't get himself killed…

But that was the least of Arthur's concerns as he pulled out his phone and dialed. As soon as he heard Alfred answer and before the American could say anything he yelled into the night. "**It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now and I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.**" He was stumbling out into the street headed to a group of trees maybe a park.

"Artie?Where are you please tell me your still at the bar."

"No."

"Iggy stay where you are unless you're in a street then totally cross cause if you get hit **and **like die **I don't know how I can do without you.** Iggy where are you?" The American was rambling beyond worried. Usually he had all the bars England typically went to call him when the Brit was there apparently tonight Arthur had found a new one.

Arthur had indeed found a park and sat quietly down on a swing nearly falling off. "Alfred **I just need you now**." Tears broke out again and he choked. " **I just need you now**."

"Artie, where are you just describe it, please."

When the Englishman looked up again to take in his surroundings he spoke something that caused the American on the other end to pale. "**Oh baby,** you're here how did you find me America?" Arthur got up from the swing and hugged the aspiration of America when he was a child leaving the present day Alfred to yell for him to come back to the present.

"Artie, **I need you now** to please snap out of it." But the phone disconnected and quickly Alfred grabbed his coat. Heading out the door hoping he'd find his love before he did something in his delirium, like trying his 'magic' which anyone could say would end badly. He redialed as he ran out into the night but every time he got the same thing.

_"Hello, this is England I'm sorry I can't come to the phone. Please leave one message, this means you Alfred. You understand git, one! __"Aww but Artie!" __ONE!"_

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><p>AN: Okay I know this isn't very good but it's my B-day and I really wanted to post something so I decided to go for a songfic and I wanted to try this song and then I was like why don't I continue 'Stay with me'<br>so I tried... and I relize it's not that great and kinda wierd especially at the end but I made my goal and it's posted. I might make another one especially since I kinda left Artie screwed up and poorly drunk (should have wrote that better...) so mabey I'll find another song and write more.


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